Pause...

After an early start at 3:45 this morning, a broken airplane, and a wife slept well on the plane(s) thanks to a belly still occupied with the comforts of Mac N Cheese, we finally got back home this afternoon.
As you know, yesterday was a mess. If you had told me that i'd be happy returning home to complete two more cycles of chemo before yesterday, I would have been more upset than Victor Simon when According to Jim was taken off the air. The bottom line is that this trip, specifically, the 5 hrs that we were "misinformed" served as a strong reminder that I should absolutely be thankful, at all times that I am making the progress that I have made. Keeping that mindset when entering conversations like the one we did yesterday, certainly keeps things in perspective. Nothing like thinking that 12 weeks of chemo had been for nothing and that they would have to resort to a Plan B to try and get things turned around to escort your thoughts to the same place you were in October when you were first diagnosed.
So again, we are back home. Being back with Harper and the dogs is all the distraction Karen needed to stop getting on me about starting smoking this week. So i'm going to put the blog on pause until we return to New York in May. It was, after all, started to keep those we don't get to see everyday in the loop about the latest trends in my relationship with sarcoma. So, thanks for all of your continued love and support. It really has made this process so much more manageable. Just kiddin' about the smoking thing.

Until May,

Brian

On the run...

       Well, before I get to the results, I should provide a little background as to what exactly we knew going up to NYC and what we hoped to hear. We knew that the adrenal masses (one on each) were "not viable". As it were explained to us, not viable means that they were not considered  functioning tumors. There were still cancer cells present, but the chemo had done it's job. That really was the most important element to the progress we had made. The adrenals were and are going to be the more complicated of the two surgeries.
This morning, we met with the oncologist who was working with Dr. B, our bff/oncologist in Jacksonville. she entered the room very positive, and excited saying that we had made good progress. Then she sat down after examining me and said, "Well, there doesn't appear to be very much change in your adrenal masses." I can't tell you how blown away we were and crushed, really. She went on to explain that with no change, she didn't see our surgeon going on with the surgery, but she of course would let him decide that.
Karen and I walked down the block to soak up our sorrow in a sandwich...or in Karen's case, a sandwich and some chips...and some gummy bears. We returned to the Sloan for our 1:45 appointment with the surgeon. We are called back at 4:00 to meet with him. He comes in and says, "Well, your adrenals look great and your arm mass has shrunk as well." Blown away, yet again, we say in unison, "But this morning the oncologist said that there was no change and that we had been misinformed". I know what you are thinking. "That's a lot to say in unison" but hey, it happened. He replied, "Yes, I heard about this morning. She made an honest mistake when reading the forms." I don't have time to get angry over this sort of thing. I honestly was so stoked that everything was going according to plan that not one negative thought has crossed my mind since hearing the good news.
The surgeon went on to say that the chemotherapy treatment was going so well that he did not want to operate...yet. He said, "I don't want to stop now...we have the cancer on the run". So he said that we WILL have the surgery in 8 weeks...2 cycles more. While it wasn't the news I was wanting to hear, after going through what we did today, I will take it. We are heading home tomorrow to see our reason for being (HARPER) and I will be back on chemo this Tuesday. It really does work out better in that we have a scheduled date for surgery and we can plan this whole thing out before we get here...unlike this time.
So, thank you all for your prayers and "good vibes". There was a period of about 5 hours when I cursed all of your for either lying or not doing those things hard enough or without rolling your eyes after doing so. Now that I realize you were true to your word, I say thanks and we love you.

Days 1 and 2

So we arrived in NY yesterday afternoon. Around halfway through the cab ride to the hotel, I was given a whisper from my tummy that the next 12 hrs or so would not go as I had planned. Around 4 in the morning, the evacuation notice had reached everything it was intended to reach and I was able to get some sleep.
Karen and I were both a little concerned that this bug would continue on into our afternoon scans, but that wasn't the case. I was weakened by this bug, but was able to lay in the CT machine, breathing and not breathing when prompted...all the while not leaving more on the machine than a picture of my inside.
After about 30 minutes of IV/scans, we left Sloan to find something to eat. Karen suggested we try a place that was on the way back to the hotel. It was delicious. There was a side of Mac N Cheese that we decided to share before our main course arrived. It was delicious. It wasn't going to cause any sort of breaking the seal I had worked so hard to create last night. The dish was filled with all sorts of different cheeses and the best part...well, the top was a nice layer of burnt cheese. About halfway through the Mac N Cheese, I reach for my water. The CT folks were adamant about me flushing out the IV that was used to create contrast in the scans. Before I can place the glass down to give myself open, prepared hands, I see Karen taking her spoon to scrape off the entire top of the burnt cheese layer that remained. After seeing how upset I was, Karen starts spewing off excuses and burnt cheese (as she couldn't wait to finish her food before cleaning her conscious) such as, "It's for your own good. Your tummy couldn't handle it",  "You were done. You needed to save room and focus on the main course" and, "I deserve this after you stole the covers because the stomach bug left you shaking".

Tomorrow we head into Sloan to find out the results of the scans. I'm praying that we find comfort in whatever direction the results send us, but also I'm hoping really hard that we are ready for surgery. I would really appreciate it that you all would do the same...once the UNF game is over, of course.